Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
