What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
