The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
