In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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