Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
