Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
