And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
