why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
