you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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