actually, I'm a sock model
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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