Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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