Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
