I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
