dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
