We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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