clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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