His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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