You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
