I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
