Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
