and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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