you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
