there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
