come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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