If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
