You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
