Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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