the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
