My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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