yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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