This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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