the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
