My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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