He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
