What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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