I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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