What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
