I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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