I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
