Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
