I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
