just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
