Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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