Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
