So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
