Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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