Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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