my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
