So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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