i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
