Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
