So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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